I CAN'T SEEM TO GET ANYTHING DONE.
EVER.
ESPECIALLY NOT ON TIME.
THIS IS A PROBLEM, ESPECIALLY SINCE I'M A STUDENT AND ALL I AM ASKED TO DO IS GET THINGS DONE ON TIME.
Sorry for the all caps and scary nature of this post, I'm just very frustrated with myself. Hope all is well, nonexistent readership :)
Monday, April 4, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The Letter D
Today we will learn the letter D.
The first thing I will list, something that is on my mind pretty much all the time, is:
DENVER. I love this city, and I don't even like cities. there really isn't any place like it, anywhere. I know people hear and say and sing all kinds of awesome things about Chicago, New York, Seattle, San Francisco, and Las Vegas . . . but in my mind, nothing can match the relaxed-yet-productive energy of Denver. Nowhere else will you find tree huggers and businessmen sharing coffee, nowhere else will you find a constant reminder of nature's dominance over a city skyline with the ever-present Rocky Mountains to the west, nowhere else will you find so many independent art projects and glorious, gaudy architecture from the "city beautiful" era standing strong and blending in with the stark and crumbling low-income urban homes, nowhere else will you find the unsinkable spirit of Molly Brown permeating every endeavor. You can keep Chicago and New York, you can keep your precious coastlines. If I have to live in an urban setting, there is no other candidate.
My next thing is also a place, also a city. This one isn't home, but it felt close.
Dublin, Ireland. I loved this city when I went, and the country will always be the gem of my heart. we'll get to the rant about Ireland if I ever get around to the letter I. Dublin is a beautiful place, full of old buildings with new purposes, chain-smoking schoolboys and grannies, and some really kind and fun people. What I loved the most about this place was the mere culture - the people of Dublin work their asses off all week and relax at home or in a pub on weeknights; the city is quiet Sunday through Thursday. Come Friday night, the energy shifts completely; it turns into an environment close to the revelry and general drunkenness of Las Vegas, then Sunday, the streets are cleared, the churches are full, and the city is quiet again. I love that philosophy: Work hard - it's fine to have a good lunch and a pint to make it bearable; Go home - relax when the day is done, eat, drink, and laugh; Celebrate - When the work week is done, let loose with your friends, be as loud and merry as possible; Pray - No matter how hard you partied the night before, get to church/mass, God will forgive all, and wipe you clean just like the sidewalks. I often yearn to return to Ireland and learn more from observation, and I try to carry myself with the same easy and driven attitude that Dubliners do, but I forget and move back into my American frantic pace all too often. I love Dublin because it taught me a lot about life in a few days, and I haven't been the same since I left it.
That's all I have right now, might add more later if I am so moved. Do I still have readers? How are you?
The first thing I will list, something that is on my mind pretty much all the time, is:
DENVER. I love this city, and I don't even like cities. there really isn't any place like it, anywhere. I know people hear and say and sing all kinds of awesome things about Chicago, New York, Seattle, San Francisco, and Las Vegas . . . but in my mind, nothing can match the relaxed-yet-productive energy of Denver. Nowhere else will you find tree huggers and businessmen sharing coffee, nowhere else will you find a constant reminder of nature's dominance over a city skyline with the ever-present Rocky Mountains to the west, nowhere else will you find so many independent art projects and glorious, gaudy architecture from the "city beautiful" era standing strong and blending in with the stark and crumbling low-income urban homes, nowhere else will you find the unsinkable spirit of Molly Brown permeating every endeavor. You can keep Chicago and New York, you can keep your precious coastlines. If I have to live in an urban setting, there is no other candidate.
My next thing is also a place, also a city. This one isn't home, but it felt close.
Dublin, Ireland. I loved this city when I went, and the country will always be the gem of my heart. we'll get to the rant about Ireland if I ever get around to the letter I. Dublin is a beautiful place, full of old buildings with new purposes, chain-smoking schoolboys and grannies, and some really kind and fun people. What I loved the most about this place was the mere culture - the people of Dublin work their asses off all week and relax at home or in a pub on weeknights; the city is quiet Sunday through Thursday. Come Friday night, the energy shifts completely; it turns into an environment close to the revelry and general drunkenness of Las Vegas, then Sunday, the streets are cleared, the churches are full, and the city is quiet again. I love that philosophy: Work hard - it's fine to have a good lunch and a pint to make it bearable; Go home - relax when the day is done, eat, drink, and laugh; Celebrate - When the work week is done, let loose with your friends, be as loud and merry as possible; Pray - No matter how hard you partied the night before, get to church/mass, God will forgive all, and wipe you clean just like the sidewalks. I often yearn to return to Ireland and learn more from observation, and I try to carry myself with the same easy and driven attitude that Dubliners do, but I forget and move back into my American frantic pace all too often. I love Dublin because it taught me a lot about life in a few days, and I haven't been the same since I left it.
That's all I have right now, might add more later if I am so moved. Do I still have readers? How are you?
Thursday, January 13, 2011
An Interruption of the Alphabet.
Hello my dear readership,
The purpose of beginning the Alphabet of Inspiration was so that I would blog more regularly. Obviously, that hasn't worked out the way I thought, but I do plan on finishing the alphabet in a timely manner, like weekly or bi-weekly hopefully. If you guys bother me enough about it, I might do it :]
Anyways, I thought I would update you on my life.
Since my last post I:
- Got straight A's for the first time in my whole life, after the most difficult semester I have ever encountered.
- I reevaluated my relationships and changed some of them
- I realized that the way I have been living my life isn't really working out.
- I revamped my wardrobe
- I received a nook color from the pooled funds of my family
- I spent time with my brother
- I saw Black Swan
- I suffered the loss of a beloved family pet who has been in my life for 12 of my 20 years.
- I tried and failed to set boundaries
- I ate new foods
- I got rid of half of my closet
- I worked out regularly, lost no weight, but felt better?
- I set up a plan for next semester
- I am attempting to fix my self-esteem problems
- I am trying, in all matters that need my attention, I am trying.
- I hope to have hope.
The purpose of beginning the Alphabet of Inspiration was so that I would blog more regularly. Obviously, that hasn't worked out the way I thought, but I do plan on finishing the alphabet in a timely manner, like weekly or bi-weekly hopefully. If you guys bother me enough about it, I might do it :]
Anyways, I thought I would update you on my life.
Since my last post I:
- Got straight A's for the first time in my whole life, after the most difficult semester I have ever encountered.
- I reevaluated my relationships and changed some of them
- I realized that the way I have been living my life isn't really working out.
- I revamped my wardrobe
- I received a nook color from the pooled funds of my family
- I spent time with my brother
- I saw Black Swan
- I suffered the loss of a beloved family pet who has been in my life for 12 of my 20 years.
- I tried and failed to set boundaries
- I ate new foods
- I got rid of half of my closet
- I worked out regularly, lost no weight, but felt better?
- I set up a plan for next semester
- I am attempting to fix my self-esteem problems
- I am trying, in all matters that need my attention, I am trying.
- I hope to have hope.
Friday, December 3, 2010
I'm a Terrible Blogger.
Sorry guys my life has been craaaazzzzzzyyy in more ways than one. I'll probably crank out several letters over winter break. But until then pretty much everything but school and AGD are on hold.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
The Letter C
Thanks for your patience, kids! Good thing none of you are learning your ABCs from this or you would be the slowest learners ever. I will try to make my updates more regular from now on, hopefully weekly, but that's optimistic. Life has been a little crazy.
Today we're going to learn about the letter C.
The first thing that I will list, which also happened to be my first word, is:
COOKIE. Like Cookie Monster always said "C" is for Cookie. He is correct. I love to bake, smell and eat cookies. But my very favorite thing to do is bake about a million of my secret recipe chocolate chip cookies, and watch people eat them. I love to make people happy with my baking adventures, whether I get to eat a cookie or not. I always get to lick the spoon anyways :]
CATS.
Cats are amazing. I have two at home. They are soft and loving and mysterious. Sometimes they scratch, and sometimes they throw up, and some days when you come home they don't want to sit in your lap. But I think their intelligence, mixed with their vulnerabilities and flaws, make them wonderful.
Chocolat is one of my favorite films of all time, because it is so much more than a love story. It is about acceptance, and friendship, and letting go, and the difference between spirituality and religion. Plus, Johnny Depp AND chocolate is involved, also with an incredibly fashionable and engaging heroine.
I have TWO songs this time, one is
Casanova, Baby! By Gaslight Anthem
and the other, which features my favorite music video of all time is Can't Stop by The Red Hot Chilli Peppers.
Also, please let me know if these videos (specifically the first one) is a live/ lame recording, my internet is spotty here at AGD, so I wasn't able to check it out first.
Hopefully y'all will hear from me next week :]
Today we're going to learn about the letter C.
The first thing that I will list, which also happened to be my first word, is:
COOKIE. Like Cookie Monster always said "C" is for Cookie. He is correct. I love to bake, smell and eat cookies. But my very favorite thing to do is bake about a million of my secret recipe chocolate chip cookies, and watch people eat them. I love to make people happy with my baking adventures, whether I get to eat a cookie or not. I always get to lick the spoon anyways :]
CATS.
Cats are amazing. I have two at home. They are soft and loving and mysterious. Sometimes they scratch, and sometimes they throw up, and some days when you come home they don't want to sit in your lap. But I think their intelligence, mixed with their vulnerabilities and flaws, make them wonderful.
Chocolat is one of my favorite films of all time, because it is so much more than a love story. It is about acceptance, and friendship, and letting go, and the difference between spirituality and religion. Plus, Johnny Depp AND chocolate is involved, also with an incredibly fashionable and engaging heroine.
I have TWO songs this time, one is
Casanova, Baby! By Gaslight Anthem
and the other, which features my favorite music video of all time is Can't Stop by The Red Hot Chilli Peppers.
Also, please let me know if these videos (specifically the first one) is a live/ lame recording, my internet is spotty here at AGD, so I wasn't able to check it out first.
Hopefully y'all will hear from me next week :]
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Boundaries
The letter C is in the works. I have to rant.
Have you ever wanted something that you used to have, or thought you had? Something that is not possible now? Something that will probably be yours eventually?
Have you ever waited patiently because you've been promised a change?
Do you ever think you've been fooling yourself?
When does forgiveness become madness? When does self-sacrifice become self-mutilation?
How long is it okay to help the one you love and ignore the harm you receive?
Tears have fallen easily these last few days. He left Friday. Last time I saw him it was Wednesday, and things were normal; maybe even better than ever. It really bothers me that I haven't seen him since it all came crashing down, but I doubt it bothers him. He seems quite happy with the arrangement; he seems confused about why I'm so upset when this is happening to him. I can't be the pillar of strength I was for him last time. I want to see him, I want him to hold me, or just touch me as I curl up in the fetal position and melt away in my tears. I want him to know how deeply insecure I've been for months, how I've wrapped much of my self-worth in whether I heard from him that day or not, how many crazy girlfriend tendencies and thoughts I've buried.
I know I can't depend on him, or anyone, for all the responsibilities I've assigned to him. Especially not now. That's why I tried to loosen our ties to each other, tried to make this separation easier. But I feel like my heart has been ripped out, stomped on, run over,chopped up, tossed around, pureed and given back to me a mess. And this isn't the first time. I feel like I mean less to him than he does to me, though I know that's not true. It doesn't erase the fact that the decision that made our one year anniversary one of the hardest days to get through so far in my life was made with little or no thought of me, was made without a phone call before all was decided. I'm a satellite in all this when it hit me in the very core, and I just have to get through it alone. It is wrong of me to even expect to have been a part of it. I know I'm being selfish and acting like a child, but how long will I have to sit patiently and keep my mouth shut, waiting for a normal and happy relationship, without the obsessiveness on my part and the weirdness and secrecy on his?
So this love. I think it's worth it.
Have you ever wanted something that you used to have, or thought you had? Something that is not possible now? Something that will probably be yours eventually?
Have you ever waited patiently because you've been promised a change?
Do you ever think you've been fooling yourself?
When does forgiveness become madness? When does self-sacrifice become self-mutilation?
How long is it okay to help the one you love and ignore the harm you receive?
Tears have fallen easily these last few days. He left Friday. Last time I saw him it was Wednesday, and things were normal; maybe even better than ever. It really bothers me that I haven't seen him since it all came crashing down, but I doubt it bothers him. He seems quite happy with the arrangement; he seems confused about why I'm so upset when this is happening to him. I can't be the pillar of strength I was for him last time. I want to see him, I want him to hold me, or just touch me as I curl up in the fetal position and melt away in my tears. I want him to know how deeply insecure I've been for months, how I've wrapped much of my self-worth in whether I heard from him that day or not, how many crazy girlfriend tendencies and thoughts I've buried.
I know I can't depend on him, or anyone, for all the responsibilities I've assigned to him. Especially not now. That's why I tried to loosen our ties to each other, tried to make this separation easier. But I feel like my heart has been ripped out, stomped on, run over,chopped up, tossed around, pureed and given back to me a mess. And this isn't the first time. I feel like I mean less to him than he does to me, though I know that's not true. It doesn't erase the fact that the decision that made our one year anniversary one of the hardest days to get through so far in my life was made with little or no thought of me, was made without a phone call before all was decided. I'm a satellite in all this when it hit me in the very core, and I just have to get through it alone. It is wrong of me to even expect to have been a part of it. I know I'm being selfish and acting like a child, but how long will I have to sit patiently and keep my mouth shut, waiting for a normal and happy relationship, without the obsessiveness on my part and the weirdness and secrecy on his?
So this love. I think it's worth it.
Monday, September 20, 2010
The Letter B
Soo now we finally move on to the letter B!!! Get excited.
BRAS/ MY BOOBS. Okay, so anyone who knows me knows I have larger breasts than most people, so I consider myself a bra expert by default. Bras to me are one of the most wonderful inventions of all time. They're beautiful, they support you, they are comfortable, and they can make me feel lovely and desirable on my worst days. Also, I am a bit of a bra drill sergeant. Ladies, if you are larger than a double A and are wearing an article of clothing that is not supportive, do the world a favor and PUT THE EFFING BRA ON. There is nothing that makes me more uncomfortable than a woman who is not wearing a bra. I know this makes me sound silly, but I really don't think that it is a bad thing to look your best, and bras are not difficult to wear. Some women act like they're being asked to wear an iron chastity belt. Put the lighter down, ladies. love the bra and it will love you. /rant.
Now, I have had a love hate relationship with my breasts since I had to get a C-cup bra at age 8. But now I don't really know who I would be without them. They're part of my identity, they've given me an external aesthetic obviously, but they also have given me the ability to laugh at myself, the experience of crippling self consciousness, and the figure similar to Ms. Monroe, which doesn't hurt me a bit. They're like my companions - they are always there, and they go through all that I do. They're part of what make me . . . me. and I never want them to be anything but the way they are. Though it would be nice to spend less than $70 on a bra, and not have to plan a major heist to find one in my size. Just sayin'
BLOGGING. I know I don't update a lot, and I'm not about to quit my day job and live off my blog profits from my millions of followers, but look at the amazing things you can find in blogs. Some of them are boring and incoherent, but parts of life are boring and incoherent. Look at the voice the common man has now, look at the opportunity we all have to create and share. I can't get over how amazing that is.
BOYS.
May I say that I adore the opposite sex? I love males - of all shapes, sizes, and age. Of course I'm attracted to some of them, but it's more than that. I love the way boys do things. I love the way they think, the way they can solve a problem with a short tussle or a smart ass comment. I love to talk to boys. I love the earnestness in young boys' faces when they are talking to their mothers. I feel like I can learn so much from my male counterparts, and I find them fascinating, captivating, and admirable at the base of what they are. I believe in boys, and I believe that males and females have a lot to learn from each other if they will ever stop it with the expectations, accusations, and wrongs against each other. I hope one day we can coexist without one stifling the other, and we can really value what makes us different.
Wow, b makes me philosophical. here's a weird glam rock song that begins with b. Enjoy.
BRAS/ MY BOOBS. Okay, so anyone who knows me knows I have larger breasts than most people, so I consider myself a bra expert by default. Bras to me are one of the most wonderful inventions of all time. They're beautiful, they support you, they are comfortable, and they can make me feel lovely and desirable on my worst days. Also, I am a bit of a bra drill sergeant. Ladies, if you are larger than a double A and are wearing an article of clothing that is not supportive, do the world a favor and PUT THE EFFING BRA ON. There is nothing that makes me more uncomfortable than a woman who is not wearing a bra. I know this makes me sound silly, but I really don't think that it is a bad thing to look your best, and bras are not difficult to wear. Some women act like they're being asked to wear an iron chastity belt. Put the lighter down, ladies. love the bra and it will love you. /rant.
Now, I have had a love hate relationship with my breasts since I had to get a C-cup bra at age 8. But now I don't really know who I would be without them. They're part of my identity, they've given me an external aesthetic obviously, but they also have given me the ability to laugh at myself, the experience of crippling self consciousness, and the figure similar to Ms. Monroe, which doesn't hurt me a bit. They're like my companions - they are always there, and they go through all that I do. They're part of what make me . . . me. and I never want them to be anything but the way they are. Though it would be nice to spend less than $70 on a bra, and not have to plan a major heist to find one in my size. Just sayin'
BLOGGING. I know I don't update a lot, and I'm not about to quit my day job and live off my blog profits from my millions of followers, but look at the amazing things you can find in blogs. Some of them are boring and incoherent, but parts of life are boring and incoherent. Look at the voice the common man has now, look at the opportunity we all have to create and share. I can't get over how amazing that is.
BOYS.
May I say that I adore the opposite sex? I love males - of all shapes, sizes, and age. Of course I'm attracted to some of them, but it's more than that. I love the way boys do things. I love the way they think, the way they can solve a problem with a short tussle or a smart ass comment. I love to talk to boys. I love the earnestness in young boys' faces when they are talking to their mothers. I feel like I can learn so much from my male counterparts, and I find them fascinating, captivating, and admirable at the base of what they are. I believe in boys, and I believe that males and females have a lot to learn from each other if they will ever stop it with the expectations, accusations, and wrongs against each other. I hope one day we can coexist without one stifling the other, and we can really value what makes us different.
Wow, b makes me philosophical. here's a weird glam rock song that begins with b. Enjoy.
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