Love

I am in love.
Honestly, this is difficult for me, this feeling of love. For so long I have been used to isolation, to the sanctity of being the only one inside my head, the only one who understands me. I am very comfortable in loneliness, I am happy to go about my business without my hand being held or my forehead being kissed or being told how lovely and wonderful I am. In fact, I would often get annoyed or embarrassed when receiving compliments or special attention from anyone outside of my family. I like the isolated existence of my life most of the time. I can live in my head without dragging anyone else into it, and that spares me and my loved one. I have hidden from romance, wanted it but avoided it for the majority of my life. But here I am, deeply and irrevocably in love for the first time.
I feel alarmingly human. I feel out of control, extremely prone to make mistakes, to make my life messy, to hurt and be hurt. I am terrified, vulnerable, naked. I feel like every action could ruin everything or every non-action could ruin everything. I am frightened beyond belief. But I think feeling this way reminds me that I'm alive, that I am mortal and that the world is finite and could crash around me at any moment. And for the time being, I am incredibly uncomfortable, but endlessly happy.