Some songs I am enjoying

I thought I would share some music with you, friends.
Click on the title to listen.

Mumford and Sons - The Cave

Such a powerful, yet quiet song. I would almost say smoldering. I've never come across a set of lyrics that are so loving, so cruel, and so honest all at once. One of my favorite discoveries on the radio.


The Raconteurs - These Stones Will Shout
First of all, the guitar work on this song is gorgeous, and this may be one of my favorite songs of all time. It is from one of my favorite albums of all time. I believe everyone who enjoys good, complex, diverse rock sounds should own a copy of "Consolers of the Lonely". I also love this song because I feel like the way the music sounds tells the story better than the lyrics. But I'm crazy like that. In short, I LOVE THIS SONG.


Ra Ra Riot - Can You Tell

What can I say? This song is beautiful, through and through. And addictive to boot.



That's all I have for now.

Hmmm

The most difficult feeling of all is the feeling that I have nothing to say.
So I thought I would at least say that.

Home.

It feels very strange being back home . . . I mean, given the drama and stress that ended my first year of college, I was more than ready to return here, to slow down and enjoy time with family and friends, to take some time to work on me - and, trust me, I need a lot of work - but it still feels strange now that I'm here. Part of me feels like everything has been paused since the last time I was here, as if home and Wesleyan live in different dimensions and different timelines, but another part of me feels like an observer in a household which has learned to function without its fourth member. While I know I'm welcome and it's a comfort to be here, I can't help but feel like a guest at times, especially when special dinners are made and I am asked what I would like to do for the day. I know this feeling will fade soon, as it did during my Winter break, and I imagine that my new job will help. When I am here, it is easy to regret moving so far away. Sometimes it feels like the 8 hour drive/train ride might as well be light years away from home, and it makes me feel very alone and independent. So when I'm back, it's hard to become part of the family rhythm again. Regardless of these feelings, it's really, truly good to be home at last.

Friendship.

I've been having a lot of talks about friendship and relationships in general lately.
And, to be honest, it's a lot more complicated than it seems. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you exactly what friends are because it's different for everyone. But here are my personal views on how to be a friend.

-Never compare one friendship with another. Everyone's unique, so are friendships.

-Meet people where they are, and don't have a list of expectations.

-Take what you feel like you can give back.

-RECIPROCATE. No one should have to guess if you care about them.

-Make your friends and their feelings a priority over your convenience. If you tell someone you will be there, do what it takes to be there.

-Love them. Forgive them. Accept them. Take care of them. But only if they have earned it.

-Respect them, and let them be who they are.

-Know when to let go.

-Listen to them - I think this is the most important. Don't just hear. listen.



Night night.

I can't believe it.

My first year of college is coming to a close.
I feel like I just got here, like I have a lot of time. But I quite clearly do not.
Sketchhh.

Pause.

I'm writing to you in the thick of my second all-nighter in three days.

I've had to have a marathon of heart to hearts with my best friends.

I had a visit from my mother, which was wonderful, but included a surprise group therapy session where all of my dirty laundry was aired out to my friend and her mom at the Green Gateau, and I received advice and pity from people I didn't want to share my problems with in the first place.

I have had several increasingly difficult conversations with the man I love since April 15th.

I've fallen asleep crying one day, and smiling the next.

I've been sick and healthy, lazy and productive, shallow and deep - depends on the hour.

I need a pause. Time to rest. Time to pray. Time to think.

But life is not kind enough to stop for a moment so that I can breathe.

Agape.

Agape means love. But it's more complicated and specific than that. Agape is the term for a perfect love, a forgiving love, the kind of love that God feels for His children. I am not referring to romantic love, so those of you who are tired of my posts about angst and love, this is not one of those posts. And I thank you all for your patience. I strive to be someone who is poised and balanced and wise. But on this blog, I have been far from that. I have been stormy, emotional, paradoxical, and, worst of all, flowery. These are trespasses which are inexcusable and out of line with my character and my mind. I have been . . . scattered lately.

Tonight I am here to discuss something that I have come close to abandoning. My faith. It really pains me to be typing this. I have found myself in a space in life where I leave no time, no thought for spirituality. I have closed my heart to the perfect love, the love of God, and I am numb. And I hate it.