Lost.

I hate being forced into inaction.

I don't know what to do.

Please pray for me.

Fear

Is it normal to be afraid of yourself?

To fear one's own mind, and the problems it can create for you?

Last week during spring break, I faced a couple of my own dragons.

They are far from slain.

And I feel that they will always be a part of me, hiding in their caverns with the other beasts in the realm of my psyche, but I think I am at peace with that.

As long as those beasts exist, I will keep rising to try to defeat them. They will best me sometimes, they have before. Sometimes for hours, days, weeks, months, and even years. Like I said, they have before. But when they do, I always manage to get back up, not in a blazing glory like a phoenix, but quietly and gingerly like an injured warrior learning to fight again.

I'm not sure whether what I feel is fear, shame, or exhilaration at the presence of these monsters at the edge of the map, maybe a mixture of the three, but I know that I accept them and the battles with them are a very real part of me.

Hello Sun.

It's funny how even when you are presented with challenges and harsh truths and you see the grave you've dug for yourself right in front of you, you can look up at the sun and know that if nature can give itself a fresh start and melt the snow away, then so can you.


Thank God for these moments.