An Interruption of the Alphabet.

Hello my dear readership,

The purpose of beginning the Alphabet of Inspiration was so that I would blog more regularly. Obviously, that hasn't worked out the way I thought, but I do plan on finishing the alphabet in a timely manner, like weekly or bi-weekly hopefully. If you guys bother me enough about it, I might do it :]

Anyways, I thought I would update you on my life.

Since my last post I:

- Got straight A's for the first time in my whole life, after the most difficult semester I have ever encountered.

- I reevaluated my relationships and changed some of them

- I realized that the way I have been living my life isn't really working out.

- I revamped my wardrobe

- I received a nook color from the pooled funds of my family

- I spent time with my brother

- I saw Black Swan

- I suffered the loss of a beloved family pet who has been in my life for 12 of my 20 years.

- I tried and failed to set boundaries

- I ate new foods

- I got rid of half of my closet

- I worked out regularly, lost no weight, but felt better?

- I set up a plan for next semester

- I am attempting to fix my self-esteem problems

- I am trying, in all matters that need my attention, I am trying.

- I hope to have hope.

I'm a Terrible Blogger.

Sorry guys my life has been craaaazzzzzzyyy in more ways than one. I'll probably crank out several letters over winter break. But until then pretty much everything but school and AGD are on hold.

The Letter C

Thanks for your patience, kids! Good thing none of you are learning your ABCs from this or you would be the slowest learners ever. I will try to make my updates more regular from now on, hopefully weekly, but that's optimistic. Life has been a little crazy.


Today we're going to learn about the letter C.


The first thing that I will list, which also happened to be my first word, is:

COOKIE. Like Cookie Monster always said "C" is for Cookie. He is correct. I love to bake, smell and eat cookies. But my very favorite thing to do is bake about a million of my secret recipe chocolate chip cookies, and watch people eat them. I love to make people happy with my baking adventures, whether I get to eat a cookie or not. I always get to lick the spoon anyways :]


CATS.
Cats are amazing. I have two at home. They are soft and loving and mysterious. Sometimes they scratch, and sometimes they throw up, and some days when you come home they don't want to sit in your lap. But I think their intelligence, mixed with their vulnerabilities and flaws, make them wonderful.



Chocolat is one of my favorite films of all time, because it is so much more than a love story. It is about acceptance, and friendship, and letting go, and the difference between spirituality and religion. Plus, Johnny Depp AND chocolate is involved, also with an incredibly fashionable and engaging heroine.

I have TWO songs this time, one is
Casanova, Baby! By Gaslight Anthem
and the other, which features my favorite music video of all time is Can't Stop by The Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

Also, please let me know if these videos (specifically the first one) is a live/ lame recording, my internet is spotty here at AGD, so I wasn't able to check it out first.

Hopefully y'all will hear from me next week :]

Boundaries

The letter C is in the works. I have to rant.

Have you ever wanted something that you used to have, or thought you had? Something that is not possible now? Something that will probably be yours eventually?
Have you ever waited patiently because you've been promised a change?
Do you ever think you've been fooling yourself?
When does forgiveness become madness? When does self-sacrifice become self-mutilation?
How long is it okay to help the one you love and ignore the harm you receive?

Tears have fallen easily these last few days. He left Friday. Last time I saw him it was Wednesday, and things were normal; maybe even better than ever. It really bothers me that I haven't seen him since it all came crashing down, but I doubt it bothers him. He seems quite happy with the arrangement; he seems confused about why I'm so upset when this is happening to him. I can't be the pillar of strength I was for him last time. I want to see him, I want him to hold me, or just touch me as I curl up in the fetal position and melt away in my tears. I want him to know how deeply insecure I've been for months, how I've wrapped much of my self-worth in whether I heard from him that day or not, how many crazy girlfriend tendencies and thoughts I've buried.


I know I can't depend on him, or anyone, for all the responsibilities I've assigned to him. Especially not now. That's why I tried to loosen our ties to each other, tried to make this separation easier. But I feel like my heart has been ripped out, stomped on, run over,chopped up, tossed around, pureed and given back to me a mess. And this isn't the first time. I feel like I mean less to him than he does to me, though I know that's not true. It doesn't erase the fact that the decision that made our one year anniversary one of the hardest days to get through so far in my life was made with little or no thought of me, was made without a phone call before all was decided. I'm a satellite in all this when it hit me in the very core, and I just have to get through it alone. It is wrong of me to even expect to have been a part of it. I know I'm being selfish and acting like a child, but how long will I have to sit patiently and keep my mouth shut, waiting for a normal and happy relationship, without the obsessiveness on my part and the weirdness and secrecy on his?

So this love. I think it's worth it.

The Letter B

Soo now we finally move on to the letter B!!! Get excited.




BRAS/ MY BOOBS. Okay, so anyone who knows me knows I have larger breasts than most people, so I consider myself a bra expert by default. Bras to me are one of the most wonderful inventions of all time. They're beautiful, they support you, they are comfortable, and they can make me feel lovely and desirable on my worst days. Also, I am a bit of a bra drill sergeant. Ladies, if you are larger than a double A and are wearing an article of clothing that is not supportive, do the world a favor and PUT THE EFFING BRA ON. There is nothing that makes me more uncomfortable than a woman who is not wearing a bra. I know this makes me sound silly, but I really don't think that it is a bad thing to look your best, and bras are not difficult to wear. Some women act like they're being asked to wear an iron chastity belt. Put the lighter down, ladies. love the bra and it will love you. /rant.

Now, I have had a love hate relationship with my breasts since I had to get a C-cup bra at age 8. But now I don't really know who I would be without them. They're part of my identity, they've given me an external aesthetic obviously, but they also have given me the ability to laugh at myself, the experience of crippling self consciousness, and the figure similar to Ms. Monroe, which doesn't hurt me a bit. They're like my companions - they are always there, and they go through all that I do. They're part of what make me . . . me. and I never want them to be anything but the way they are. Though it would be nice to spend less than $70 on a bra, and not have to plan a major heist to find one in my size. Just sayin'


BLOGGING. I know I don't update a lot, and I'm not about to quit my day job and live off my blog profits from my millions of followers, but look at the amazing things you can find in blogs. Some of them are boring and incoherent, but parts of life are boring and incoherent. Look at the voice the common man has now, look at the opportunity we all have to create and share. I can't get over how amazing that is.


BOYS.
May I say that I adore the opposite sex? I love males - of all shapes, sizes, and age. Of course I'm attracted to some of them, but it's more than that. I love the way boys do things. I love the way they think, the way they can solve a problem with a short tussle or a smart ass comment. I love to talk to boys. I love the earnestness in young boys' faces when they are talking to their mothers. I feel like I can learn so much from my male counterparts, and I find them fascinating, captivating, and admirable at the base of what they are. I believe in boys, and I believe that males and females have a lot to learn from each other if they will ever stop it with the expectations, accusations, and wrongs against each other. I hope one day we can coexist without one stifling the other, and we can really value what makes us different.

Wow, b makes me philosophical. here's a weird glam rock song that begins with b. Enjoy.

The Letter A

Today, children, we will learn about the Letter A.
Here are a few important things in my life that begin with the letter A.



One of my besties, Andrea. Sometimes when I'm with her, I wonder how it's possible for two people to be so different and sometimes, I wonder how it's possible for two people to be so much alike. Andrea challenges me and makes me think everyday just by being who she is, and she is super duper fun and awesome. I love her to death.




Next is Alpha Gamma Delta, my sorority. Not only am I inspired and changed by the women I live with, but also the organization itself and what it represents. I'll not bore you with the details, but the Purpose is on Wikipedia if you want to see a sliver of what I mean :]




Audrey. What can I say? She is beauty, grace, and class personified. But she is so much more than an icon to me. Here is a woman who knew how to live life. She never considered herself the most talented, beautiful, or engaging person in the room, she just went out and did her very best every time. She worked hard, was never above speaking to anyone, and aged gracefully by doing nothing to stop age from coming. She inspires me often.



Amelie is a movie that is so beautiful and so lovely and it makes me so happy that I cry sometimes. I LOOOOVVVEE this film.

And, last but not least,
ALONE by Heart.

This song is so incredible. Just listen. Your ears, and heart, will thank you.



Much Love,
Sammi

New project for my blog.

I am going to begin crafting an alphabet of inspiration . . . basically, each post I have a letter along with songs, books, films, people, whatever that inspire me that start with that letter.

unfortunately, i don't have time to post this business now, but the letter A is on its way!! haha that rhymed.