Friday, September 16, 2011
I feel so lonely.
It's been a month, and I'm still aching inside. God, I am really trying to do the right thing for myself. To learn to love myself. I wish I could do that without all this brokenness.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
The Letter E
Today, kids, we will learn about the letter e.
So, this will be a bit of a rambling post, because there are two things that begin with the letter e that I REALLY love. And will probably post more than one picture of. You have been warned.
First thing,
ELEPHANTS.
Honestly, if you don't like elephants, I see no reason why I should like you. Elephants have always been my favorite animal, and I'm not 100% sure where it started, I did dress as an elephant for Halloween when I was three, at my request, so I know it was early.
If I had to guess, all roads probably point to Disney, and this little guy.
I felt a deeper connection with Dumbo than I did with any Disney princess when I was small (that is, until I learned to read and met Belle of Beauty and the Beast). I had always felt like I was different, that my imagination was too big for many of my peers and others, like the things I said and thought about and asked and wondered about weren't normal. It wasn't a negative thing, I just knew what it was like to be obviously separate from everyone else, and to have the kind of mom that would protect me and love me no matter how much the world would eventually come to hurt me.
As I got older, I learned that the mother/child relationship portrayed in the film and found in my life is not far from the truth of the way that elephants actually behave, in fact, they are known as some of the best parents in the animal kingdom.
Once, when I was about ten, I was at my grandma's house watching an animal show on the discovery channel or nat geo or animal planet or whatever, and it was about elephants - needless to say, I was glued to the screen. I watched a soon-to-be mother elephant give birth, and as she rushed to clear her newborn from the membrane it is born in (sorry, I know that's gross) she found that it was stillborn. The mourning I saw and heard from that animal, who was obviously very excited to be a mother, was heartbreaking and has stuck in my memory.
I admire this about elephants, and the fact that they have a matriarchal structure, and that they emphasize families within the herd as well as the herd. For example, I read a while back that an entire herd stopped progressing in a risky area of predators to find a single lost calf.
Then there's the obvious, the size of elephants. I love that a creature exists that has the power and ability to be so destructive, and yet has such a gentle, thoughtful nature.
Plus, they're just really freaking cute.
JUST LOOK AT IT'S LITTLE FACE.
The Second thing, is EGGS.
I know this is a weird thing for me to love so much, but freaking eggs are so awesome.
So, yes, I am like that girl on the Amanda show in this way.
Aww, Debbie, I missed you.
Now, back to the point, EGGS ARE DELICIOUS. I will now post pictures of the many ways I like eggs.
I challenge you to find anything more universally delicious and easy to make than eggs on toast. It's even better when you cut a hole in the bread, put the bread in the pan, and fry the egg in the middle of the toast. yumm.
This is delicious. I've only had it once, but eggs on pizza = delicious.
Egg salad sandwiches. Yum.
Deviled eggs, the first thing at Thanksgiving to disappear.
Hard boiled eggs, perfect for everything. Especially everyday breakfast.
Eggs Benedict. FAVORITE.
Okay, enough egg spam. you get that I really like eggs.
That's all I have to say about that.
So, this will be a bit of a rambling post, because there are two things that begin with the letter e that I REALLY love. And will probably post more than one picture of. You have been warned.
First thing,
ELEPHANTS.
Honestly, if you don't like elephants, I see no reason why I should like you. Elephants have always been my favorite animal, and I'm not 100% sure where it started, I did dress as an elephant for Halloween when I was three, at my request, so I know it was early.
If I had to guess, all roads probably point to Disney, and this little guy.
I felt a deeper connection with Dumbo than I did with any Disney princess when I was small (that is, until I learned to read and met Belle of Beauty and the Beast). I had always felt like I was different, that my imagination was too big for many of my peers and others, like the things I said and thought about and asked and wondered about weren't normal. It wasn't a negative thing, I just knew what it was like to be obviously separate from everyone else, and to have the kind of mom that would protect me and love me no matter how much the world would eventually come to hurt me.
As I got older, I learned that the mother/child relationship portrayed in the film and found in my life is not far from the truth of the way that elephants actually behave, in fact, they are known as some of the best parents in the animal kingdom.
Once, when I was about ten, I was at my grandma's house watching an animal show on the discovery channel or nat geo or animal planet or whatever, and it was about elephants - needless to say, I was glued to the screen. I watched a soon-to-be mother elephant give birth, and as she rushed to clear her newborn from the membrane it is born in (sorry, I know that's gross) she found that it was stillborn. The mourning I saw and heard from that animal, who was obviously very excited to be a mother, was heartbreaking and has stuck in my memory.
I admire this about elephants, and the fact that they have a matriarchal structure, and that they emphasize families within the herd as well as the herd. For example, I read a while back that an entire herd stopped progressing in a risky area of predators to find a single lost calf.
Then there's the obvious, the size of elephants. I love that a creature exists that has the power and ability to be so destructive, and yet has such a gentle, thoughtful nature.
Plus, they're just really freaking cute.
JUST LOOK AT IT'S LITTLE FACE.
The Second thing, is EGGS.
I know this is a weird thing for me to love so much, but freaking eggs are so awesome.
So, yes, I am like that girl on the Amanda show in this way.
Aww, Debbie, I missed you.
Now, back to the point, EGGS ARE DELICIOUS. I will now post pictures of the many ways I like eggs.
I challenge you to find anything more universally delicious and easy to make than eggs on toast. It's even better when you cut a hole in the bread, put the bread in the pan, and fry the egg in the middle of the toast. yumm.
This is delicious. I've only had it once, but eggs on pizza = delicious.
Egg salad sandwiches. Yum.
Deviled eggs, the first thing at Thanksgiving to disappear.
Hard boiled eggs, perfect for everything. Especially everyday breakfast.
Eggs Benedict. FAVORITE.
Okay, enough egg spam. you get that I really like eggs.
That's all I have to say about that.
I'm sorry I have neglected you.
I haven't felt as though anything I could possibly have to say is of any substance recently. Maybe I'll work on a letter.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Bahhhhhhhhhhh . . . .
I CAN'T SEEM TO GET ANYTHING DONE.
EVER.
ESPECIALLY NOT ON TIME.
THIS IS A PROBLEM, ESPECIALLY SINCE I'M A STUDENT AND ALL I AM ASKED TO DO IS GET THINGS DONE ON TIME.
Sorry for the all caps and scary nature of this post, I'm just very frustrated with myself. Hope all is well, nonexistent readership :)
EVER.
ESPECIALLY NOT ON TIME.
THIS IS A PROBLEM, ESPECIALLY SINCE I'M A STUDENT AND ALL I AM ASKED TO DO IS GET THINGS DONE ON TIME.
Sorry for the all caps and scary nature of this post, I'm just very frustrated with myself. Hope all is well, nonexistent readership :)
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The Letter D
Today we will learn the letter D.
The first thing I will list, something that is on my mind pretty much all the time, is:
DENVER. I love this city, and I don't even like cities. there really isn't any place like it, anywhere. I know people hear and say and sing all kinds of awesome things about Chicago, New York, Seattle, San Francisco, and Las Vegas . . . but in my mind, nothing can match the relaxed-yet-productive energy of Denver. Nowhere else will you find tree huggers and businessmen sharing coffee, nowhere else will you find a constant reminder of nature's dominance over a city skyline with the ever-present Rocky Mountains to the west, nowhere else will you find so many independent art projects and glorious, gaudy architecture from the "city beautiful" era standing strong and blending in with the stark and crumbling low-income urban homes, nowhere else will you find the unsinkable spirit of Molly Brown permeating every endeavor. You can keep Chicago and New York, you can keep your precious coastlines. If I have to live in an urban setting, there is no other candidate.
My next thing is also a place, also a city. This one isn't home, but it felt close.
Dublin, Ireland. I loved this city when I went, and the country will always be the gem of my heart. we'll get to the rant about Ireland if I ever get around to the letter I. Dublin is a beautiful place, full of old buildings with new purposes, chain-smoking schoolboys and grannies, and some really kind and fun people. What I loved the most about this place was the mere culture - the people of Dublin work their asses off all week and relax at home or in a pub on weeknights; the city is quiet Sunday through Thursday. Come Friday night, the energy shifts completely; it turns into an environment close to the revelry and general drunkenness of Las Vegas, then Sunday, the streets are cleared, the churches are full, and the city is quiet again. I love that philosophy: Work hard - it's fine to have a good lunch and a pint to make it bearable; Go home - relax when the day is done, eat, drink, and laugh; Celebrate - When the work week is done, let loose with your friends, be as loud and merry as possible; Pray - No matter how hard you partied the night before, get to church/mass, God will forgive all, and wipe you clean just like the sidewalks. I often yearn to return to Ireland and learn more from observation, and I try to carry myself with the same easy and driven attitude that Dubliners do, but I forget and move back into my American frantic pace all too often. I love Dublin because it taught me a lot about life in a few days, and I haven't been the same since I left it.
That's all I have right now, might add more later if I am so moved. Do I still have readers? How are you?
The first thing I will list, something that is on my mind pretty much all the time, is:
DENVER. I love this city, and I don't even like cities. there really isn't any place like it, anywhere. I know people hear and say and sing all kinds of awesome things about Chicago, New York, Seattle, San Francisco, and Las Vegas . . . but in my mind, nothing can match the relaxed-yet-productive energy of Denver. Nowhere else will you find tree huggers and businessmen sharing coffee, nowhere else will you find a constant reminder of nature's dominance over a city skyline with the ever-present Rocky Mountains to the west, nowhere else will you find so many independent art projects and glorious, gaudy architecture from the "city beautiful" era standing strong and blending in with the stark and crumbling low-income urban homes, nowhere else will you find the unsinkable spirit of Molly Brown permeating every endeavor. You can keep Chicago and New York, you can keep your precious coastlines. If I have to live in an urban setting, there is no other candidate.
My next thing is also a place, also a city. This one isn't home, but it felt close.
Dublin, Ireland. I loved this city when I went, and the country will always be the gem of my heart. we'll get to the rant about Ireland if I ever get around to the letter I. Dublin is a beautiful place, full of old buildings with new purposes, chain-smoking schoolboys and grannies, and some really kind and fun people. What I loved the most about this place was the mere culture - the people of Dublin work their asses off all week and relax at home or in a pub on weeknights; the city is quiet Sunday through Thursday. Come Friday night, the energy shifts completely; it turns into an environment close to the revelry and general drunkenness of Las Vegas, then Sunday, the streets are cleared, the churches are full, and the city is quiet again. I love that philosophy: Work hard - it's fine to have a good lunch and a pint to make it bearable; Go home - relax when the day is done, eat, drink, and laugh; Celebrate - When the work week is done, let loose with your friends, be as loud and merry as possible; Pray - No matter how hard you partied the night before, get to church/mass, God will forgive all, and wipe you clean just like the sidewalks. I often yearn to return to Ireland and learn more from observation, and I try to carry myself with the same easy and driven attitude that Dubliners do, but I forget and move back into my American frantic pace all too often. I love Dublin because it taught me a lot about life in a few days, and I haven't been the same since I left it.
That's all I have right now, might add more later if I am so moved. Do I still have readers? How are you?
Thursday, January 13, 2011
An Interruption of the Alphabet.
Hello my dear readership,
The purpose of beginning the Alphabet of Inspiration was so that I would blog more regularly. Obviously, that hasn't worked out the way I thought, but I do plan on finishing the alphabet in a timely manner, like weekly or bi-weekly hopefully. If you guys bother me enough about it, I might do it :]
Anyways, I thought I would update you on my life.
Since my last post I:
- Got straight A's for the first time in my whole life, after the most difficult semester I have ever encountered.
- I reevaluated my relationships and changed some of them
- I realized that the way I have been living my life isn't really working out.
- I revamped my wardrobe
- I received a nook color from the pooled funds of my family
- I spent time with my brother
- I saw Black Swan
- I suffered the loss of a beloved family pet who has been in my life for 12 of my 20 years.
- I tried and failed to set boundaries
- I ate new foods
- I got rid of half of my closet
- I worked out regularly, lost no weight, but felt better?
- I set up a plan for next semester
- I am attempting to fix my self-esteem problems
- I am trying, in all matters that need my attention, I am trying.
- I hope to have hope.
The purpose of beginning the Alphabet of Inspiration was so that I would blog more regularly. Obviously, that hasn't worked out the way I thought, but I do plan on finishing the alphabet in a timely manner, like weekly or bi-weekly hopefully. If you guys bother me enough about it, I might do it :]
Anyways, I thought I would update you on my life.
Since my last post I:
- Got straight A's for the first time in my whole life, after the most difficult semester I have ever encountered.
- I reevaluated my relationships and changed some of them
- I realized that the way I have been living my life isn't really working out.
- I revamped my wardrobe
- I received a nook color from the pooled funds of my family
- I spent time with my brother
- I saw Black Swan
- I suffered the loss of a beloved family pet who has been in my life for 12 of my 20 years.
- I tried and failed to set boundaries
- I ate new foods
- I got rid of half of my closet
- I worked out regularly, lost no weight, but felt better?
- I set up a plan for next semester
- I am attempting to fix my self-esteem problems
- I am trying, in all matters that need my attention, I am trying.
- I hope to have hope.
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