Hmmm

The most difficult feeling of all is the feeling that I have nothing to say.
So I thought I would at least say that.

Home.

It feels very strange being back home . . . I mean, given the drama and stress that ended my first year of college, I was more than ready to return here, to slow down and enjoy time with family and friends, to take some time to work on me - and, trust me, I need a lot of work - but it still feels strange now that I'm here. Part of me feels like everything has been paused since the last time I was here, as if home and Wesleyan live in different dimensions and different timelines, but another part of me feels like an observer in a household which has learned to function without its fourth member. While I know I'm welcome and it's a comfort to be here, I can't help but feel like a guest at times, especially when special dinners are made and I am asked what I would like to do for the day. I know this feeling will fade soon, as it did during my Winter break, and I imagine that my new job will help. When I am here, it is easy to regret moving so far away. Sometimes it feels like the 8 hour drive/train ride might as well be light years away from home, and it makes me feel very alone and independent. So when I'm back, it's hard to become part of the family rhythm again. Regardless of these feelings, it's really, truly good to be home at last.

Friendship.

I've been having a lot of talks about friendship and relationships in general lately.
And, to be honest, it's a lot more complicated than it seems. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell you exactly what friends are because it's different for everyone. But here are my personal views on how to be a friend.

-Never compare one friendship with another. Everyone's unique, so are friendships.

-Meet people where they are, and don't have a list of expectations.

-Take what you feel like you can give back.

-RECIPROCATE. No one should have to guess if you care about them.

-Make your friends and their feelings a priority over your convenience. If you tell someone you will be there, do what it takes to be there.

-Love them. Forgive them. Accept them. Take care of them. But only if they have earned it.

-Respect them, and let them be who they are.

-Know when to let go.

-Listen to them - I think this is the most important. Don't just hear. listen.



Night night.